I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
