I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
