Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
