I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
