Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
