There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
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I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
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He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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