i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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