Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
