Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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