You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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