it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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