even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
