Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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