So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
