White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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