I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
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All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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