i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
