I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
