I cockslap morals
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
