I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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