I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
