my phone needs a breathalizer
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
