Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
