I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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