I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The uberlube is also flammable
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
