Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
