My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
