it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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