My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
