I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
