I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
