it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
