I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
