i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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