Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
