I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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