the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
