I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
