I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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