Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
