i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
