oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
