Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
