Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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