i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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