I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
