i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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