your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
