Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
