Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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