Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
