Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
