I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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