Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
As shirtless as possible
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
