I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
