Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
