Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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