Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
