It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Your penis caused this!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
