Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
