You don't have asthma, your pregnant
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
