hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
this just has baby written all over it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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