No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We don't watch enough power rangers
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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