Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
