ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
