i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
