i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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