i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
