dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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