This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
