I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Come on in and take your pants off
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