I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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