I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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