Im at strip club and am horny
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
