I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
