There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
