She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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