Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
